It's for me, & it's worth it. ♥

To everyone out there who is currently feeling like punching a wall because of all the “I love my mom” talk happening today:

I feel you. Really. I still hate my biological mother. She was a shit parent for the first 17 years of my life, then she had me shipped off to a treatment home because she FINALLY realized she had no clue how to take care of me. At that treatment home I met the woman who I now call my mom, she took me in while I was extremely misarble & unreceptive, & she basically raised me to become the person I am now. (Well not just her alone, but she had a huge part to do in it.) Meanwhile, my biological mother continues to be a shit parent to my older sister (who I’m trying to help get out of there).
Basically what I’m saying is: not all mothers are great & deserve to be celebrated. Some of them suck so far beyond just the average “omg my mom is so annoying go away” that it is practically unbearable to endure these kinds of holidays. Hearing people talk about how they love their mom & their mom will always be there & all that nostalgic shit, it makes you want to punch someone in the face & also cry. My biological mother did not raise me. She did not love me, despite of what people might claim. She did not parent me in any way & she did not support me or help me. She treated me horribly for years & I am forever damaged because of that, regardless of what progress I make. I hate her. Genuinly hate her. And do not even dare to tell me “she’s your mother, she loves you” or “don’t say that, she brought you life” or whatever the fuck some of you might be thinking. You do not know my biological mother & you do know how I feel. Trust me when I tell you that I really do hate her & I have done so my entire life. When I was a child, I thought all people who were related automatically hated eachother. I did not understand how people could even like their own mother until I got to know my fostermom. SHE is my real mom & her, I do love. She may not have given birth to me, but she did give me life. A life worth living, that is. I can honestly say there is no doubt in my mind that I would be long dead if she hadn’t taken me in when she did. She saved me.
My point of this rant is simply that giving birth does not make you some kind of hero & being a “mother” does not make you a great person or even a good one. Being a real parent is more than just procreating & feeding the product & trying to keep them from death until they’re 18. DNA has nothing to do with family.
So to everyone out there who has shitty parents: you are not alone. I know how frustrating it is having people not understand that you really do legitimately have no feelings of love or even like for your so called parents, but I hope it gives you a little bit of comfort that at least one person (that’s me!) doesn’t just write it off as a phase or an overreaction. You don’t have to love your biological family. Someday you will have a real family, whether it be your own children, a group of close friends, or a fosterfamily like mine. Those are the people who deserve to be celebrated.

Dear mom.

Thank you for always putting up with my shit & not kicking me out of the house.
Thank you for making me vegan food even though you’re not a vegan yourself & the products tend to be overpriced.
Thank you for saying you love me even when I’m being a total bitch.
Thank you for calling me out on my bullshit & not letting me wollow in my own self-pity.
Thank you for paying for all my ridiculously expensive medical treatments.
Thank you for showing me how to use all the household appliances 3000 times because I’m too lazy to remember.
Thank you for creating my awesome younger siblings & thank you for not forcing me to babysit them.
Thank you for always trying to make me feel better even if you don’t always succeed.
Thank you for not giving up on me through all of my mental struggles.
Thank you for sticking up for me when I can’t find the courage to do it myself.
Thank you for trash talking my biological parents with me, I don’t think you will ever understand how happy that actually makes me. Honestly.
Thank you for bringing me to my first real home & introducing me to the only real family I’ve ever had.
Thank you for saving my life & helping me create a better one.

I am sorry for not always showing you the appriciation you deserve.
I am sorry for calling you a bitch behind your back when you annoy me.
I am sorry for always forgetting to take out the trash when I’m supposed to.
I am sorry for using up all of the hot water & occupying the bathroom for too long.
I am sorry for retracting into my hermit shell when I feel bad & then complaining about how lonely I am.
I am sorry that I lie to you.
I am sorry for everything I ever have & will do wrong, & I’m sorry that I don’t always care enough to try to do better.
I am sorry for being pathetic & inconsiderate & spoiled.
I am sorry for my existence in general, but thank you for not seconding that notion.

I love you so much & I am so happy that you are my mom.

Happy Mother’s Day everyone xx